New 52 – Detective Comics #11 review

If you want to make a physicist laugh, show them Tony Daniel’s idea of a Hadron Collider which was built in under 6 months and put at the, lets say 40th floor of Wayne Tower. I don’t have a degree in physics, but the whole thing seems awfully ludicrous to me, especially when “Detective Comics”  SHOULD be the smartest and most logical of all the bat-titles. Hopefully the new writer who comes aboard in October will make things right. I mean…the book even says that the device is “very similar to the Large Hadron Collider” NO IT ISN’T and that “Marder was using this lab for similar studies” to which Lucius Fox says “To create a black hole? What on Earth for?” THAT’S NOT WHAT CERN IS TRYING TO DO. This comic book is making its readers dumber.

Anyway, I needed to drop that and focus on the Batman part of it and not the science illiterate part of it. But then something else ridiculous happened when Bruce’s secretary came in saying there was someone on the phone for him saying “it’s a matter of LIFE AND DEATH. Should I tell him you’re in a meeting?” uh..no. You’re a terrible secretary and an even worse person. Bruce takes the call, obviously. But the fact that she so quickly said “life and death” and then dismissed it was hilarious to me. And then the story got more involved in bull**** science and tales of time travel and I just sort of zoned out– “Is this really how I’m spending my 4th of July?” I said to myself. But I pressed on and wished I hadn’t. The story is just awful and ends with Batman SHOW SPOILER ▼

But the art is okay though. I wish the colors looked less like puke and there’s one panel on page 4 where Batman kicks Mr. Toxic and his foot is totally upside down…I don’t know how replacement artist Julio Ferreira andor Eduardo Pansica didn’t erase that and try again. It’s one of the most awkward action poses I’ve seen. Batman’s arms are straight and behind his back, his chest is puffed all the way up as he arches, and his leg is fully extended for a kick but the knee and foot are twisted almost entirely upside down…it’s terrible. Everything else is hardly impressive. There are lines all over everyones’ face making each character look much older than they are and as I said, the muted beige and green colors are ugly to look at.

And just when I thought it was over and I could barbecue with friends and family, I was reminded of the Two-Face backup story. F***!

The art by Kudranski and Kalisz is darker than ever before and for the first time in a long time, I’m looking at a 2 page spread in which I have no idea what I’m looking at. I had to flip back and forth a few times to finally understand that “Oh, these are guns attached to a motorized wheelchair and Harvey is leaping through the air as he’s being shot at…I guess.” It’s hideous.

AND OH MY GOD DID THAT REALLY JUST HAPPEN? If you can’t tell, I’m writing this as I’m reading it to save time so I can get back to the holiday and what the…okay, let’s see if you can guess what I’m looking at right now with a classic movie quote:

“Quaid….start the reactor!”

Yeah. Did you guess it? At least I get the name “Freakshow” now for the guy Harvey was after. Man…That actually happens here and that makes the whole Ninja cult thing in earlier issues seem almost Dickensian in comparison. What the hell, Tony Daniel? What the hell DC?

And then on a following page there’s a lettering mistake where a caption reads “I don’t remember H how long I was lyin there.” but apparently letterer Dezi Sienty realized this comic is such a god-awful-piece of **** that there was no point in even removing their mistake.

The only saving grace is that this is the end of the Two-Face backup story, a tale that’s almost as absurd as “Batman Odyssey”.

“Detective Comics” #11 isn’t worth $4 bucks. It isn’t even worth your pocket change. And above all, it’s a terrible way to spend your 4th of July holiday.

SCORE: 1/10

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