New 52 – Catwoman #0 review

I always jot down notes while reading a comic that I’m going to review and then I expand on those for the full article. But not this time. I’m so infuriated that I’m just going to post the notes that I made and then a closing statement. Here’s are my notes taken while reading Catwoman #0:

  • Point out that Ann Nocenti has taken over as the new writer and this is her first issue so fans can give a new creative team a chance.
  • Three cheers for vagueness! Hip hip! (hurray) They finally did a Zero issue that didn’t specify a time, thus taking out the continuity headache all the other Zeroes have caused. Awesome.
  • Melo’s art seems better than usual…like she’s stopped being a fill-in for March and is standing proud as her own artist. Selina looks good.
  • Well it looks like they’re really taking Batman: Year One out of continuity for sure now.
  • This pacing is kind of erratic…I don’t think it was necessary to touch on this many points in Selina’s life. They could’ve just picked one important moment in her life and focused on that to tell a strong one-and-done story rather than squeeze everything into 20 pages.
  • This is awfully wordy for not much happening. –You were getting bored at the halfway point.
  • Man, Selina Kyle sure does cry A LOT. It doesn’t really seem in character for her.

And that’s where the notes stopped. When I turned the next page and saw what they were doing with Catwoman’s origin I moaned. Out loud. I really did. I groaned “Noooooo.” tossed the book down and walked away for a bit. It took a while for me to come back and finish the issue, honestly. I haven’t been this infuriated by a comic in some time.

They went with the Batman Returns origin. The stupid, ****ing almost dead but revived by cat-licks origin! **** everything about that. There was ONE other instance when someone thought that doing the cat-lick origin was a good idea. Anybody remember that?

Somehow getting licked by Cats made Selina Kyle into a bad-ass.

She then went back to where she was tossed off the building and used the tattered tarp she fell through to make her Catwoman costume too. Oh, and she has 9 lives apparently. Just….arrrrgghghhhhghghghhhh. Why? I’ve never felt more like a pissed off fanboy writing these reviews than right now and that’s saying something. I know I was upset by the twist at the end of Night of the Owls, but this is something else entirely. I thought we as a community agreed that this was stupid. We’ve had years to laugh about how bad this is and now it’s back?

Since when have cats given a crap about anybody? Why are cats magical? If cats have potent healing powers in the DC universe, don’t you think Batman would have a few kittens dangling from his utility belt every night? By the way, if anyone wants to draw a Batman wearing a cat-belt, please do.

So I got to thinking about the arbitrary rating that comes at the end of these articles and what I should even give such a thing. And then I figured, I’m a Batman fan and as a Batman fan, I’m offended by this issue so I’m giving it a 1/10. We all spent so much time focusing on how bad the original cover was that we forgot to worry about how potentially bad the content could be. I didn’t like the Batman: Year One prostitute origin either, but this is far worse in my opinion. Is a good Catwoman origin even possible? Even Christopher Nolan didn’t touch it.

SCORE: 1/10