New 52 – Catwoman #15 review

It’s either so bad it’s good or it’s just really, really bad and should be avoided at all costs.

This is SO not the kind of comic I enjoy reading. It is SO weirdly drawn and every bit of dialogue sounds like it’s written by an old person trying SO hard to sound young. And it emphasizes the word “SO”.

Look, I made it like 5 pages into this book and had to take a break. then I made it to page 12 and had to take another break. And I created my own Clockwork Orange-esque contraption to help me through the pages that remained. If that Mayan calendar BS is true and this is the last comic I ever get to read…I’m gonna be pissed.

The faces on these characters look goofy, the arms, fingers, and backgrounds are always warping like I’m looking at them through a fishbowl, and the writing…my God. I thought it was hard to break into the comic. How does this…how is this a thing? Ya know? How is it that someone saw the finished product and still put their name on it? Isn’t there an Alan Smithee equivalent for comic books? It reminds me of that show Teen Mom 2. I’m not flabbergasted that people watch that train wreck  I’m not surprised that advertisers fight over air time to be a part of it either. Nope, what astounds me about Teen Mom 2 is that when the show is over there are credits. Someone said “Yeah, I want this to be my legacy. I want my name to be associated with this standard of excellence.” Catwoman #15 is a book that shouldn’t have the DC name on it. It shouldn’t have anyone’s name on it. Nobody should be proud of this. It’s a mess. Here are a few lines of dialogue:

“So I tracked the owner’s auction pattern. Like, pure jade love goddess and diamond obelisk junk worth a million-five. That kinda sex trash’s gotta be in the bedroom.”

“Gimme me some of your sweet stuff an’ we won’t call the cops.”

“Go for it. Call your mommy, too.”

“Hey! You didn’t tell me the damn freeballin’ exit plan!”

These are all real lines from the first five pages. Other gems from later in the book include:

“That’s all you got, boys? Ever hear of rope-a-dope? I’m all muscle and rock hard. My abs can take a pounding. So you guys pummel me till your arms get weak? That’s why you dopes are roped.”

“I like this cat lady, but I wish she’d call me Darwin, not Dudwin.”

“We’re trapped in here with all this rampaging evil!”

I don’t see how anyone can read this and say “That’s a great comic. I’ll share it with friends– after I’m done reading it a second time that is!” It’s not going to happen. The only way I can imagine this happening is if you had a fun time laughing at how ridiculously awful it is. Or I imagine the person who legitimately gives Catwoman #15 as a 10/10 to be the sort who believes Michael Bay’s Pearl Harbor was a great love story or Battlefield Earth was gripping science fiction. There are so many better comics out today. All of them, probably. Just go to the comic shop and throw a stick, whatever comic you hit will be better than Catwoman #15.

SCORE: 1/10